A couple days ago, I was riding down the Ughhhhhh canal of Blehs and Oofs and Frowny Faces. While the scenery is nice, I fucking hate boating. And metaphors. But there are only a few other options in this sort of situation. You can sit around moping because you’re really, really excellent at moping (the best!). You can do something crazy like clean your room but you are really, really terrible at that (the worst! Probably!). Or, option 3 that is always and forever all the time on the farm-to-table: you can go get some ice cream with your dog and then sit in a giant park for a couple hours with said dog and then raid a farmer’s market with aforementioned really overheated dog for inspiration.
Go with option 3. Always. Mostly because you’ll probably find something fun at the farmer’s market like a new lease on life. Or some green tomatoes. You’ll probably just find the green tomatoes, actually. Your lease on life goes through 2015 and you’re keeping the mileage low.
So I made a classic fried version and a less-classic new-age neo-whatever baked version that features a dip in chipotle sauce/marinade rather than milk. Both fried and baked versions are tasty but you’ll definitely save some calories with the baked version. However, baked is also less crunchy because, you know, it isn’t fried. It’s baked. Is why. Also, green tomatoes are definitely crunchier by nature than red but both work well. And now you know everything there is to know about tomatoes.
I can’t promise that this recipe will lighten your mood, make the crossing of the Straights of Gi’OhBrother any easier, or change anything. But that’s exactly what I’m going to promise it will do. I may be shitty at cleaning my room, but I’m fucking fabulous at building false hope.
I have like 2-3 other really solid skills.
And I probably need a cleaning lady.
- 6-8 small tomatoes – some green, some red or all whatever you prefer
- ¼ cup flour of your choice (I did buckwheat flour because I live life on the edge and it was in arm’s reach)
- ¾ cup Panko bread crumbs
- ¾ cup yellow cornmeal
- 1 teaspoon dried oregano
- ¾ teaspoon garlic powder
- ¾ teaspoon onion powder
- ½ teaspoon salt
- some paprika
- 1 cup (or less) Citizen Chef Chipotle Adobo sauce or the BBQ-y marinade of your choice, like Stubb’s Marinades
- cooking spray or some olive oil
- Optional: Chipotle Veganaise, the best condiment since condiments were condimented from the wild
“sadbad” is how catdog would feel if animals could feel feelings and not just gassy at times…
If you’re baking them, preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Slice your tomatoes into a little thinner than ½ inch thick slices. Spread your flour on a small plate. Combine your bread crumbs, cornmeal and seasoning in a shallow bowl. Put your milk in yet another bowl (you have so many bowls! You must be very successful at whatever you do!) and let’s get crackalacking.
Dredge your slices in the flour. Dip in the chipotle/marinade. Coat in bread crumbs. Repeat excessively. Arrange on baking sheet.
IF BAKING: Spray your slices with a light coating of cooking spray. Flip. Spray again. Stick them in the oven. Bake 7 minutes on one side. Flip them, bake another 5-10 minutes, until they’re properly golden.
IF FRYING: heat a frying pan up over medium high heat. Using ¼ of a cup of olive oil at a time, fry your slices 8 or so at a time, depending on the size of your pan. Flip when golden, fry a little more. Remove from the pan and place them on a paper towel covered plate to allow them to drain some.
(For baked version only. Oil retention and calorie counts when frying confuse me too much.)