Purple Cabbage Soup

Once upon a January, Super Flu Sandy (go with it) killed all of New York. This place was straight up Contagioned except there was better acting and Lawrence Fishburn was suspiciously absent.

skip to the recipe faster than Contangion skipped over plot holes…

Fun facts about Purple Cabbage Soup: it will stain everything in your entire life.
Get out your purple cabbage soup colored aprons and maybe a WetNap. Or a dozen.

So where were you when the FrankenFlu hit? I was at work. Then I kept going to work for the following week because yes, I was a Flupocolypse denier. I was just really, really sleepy. After researching Lyme Disease, anemia, mono, and paranoia schizophrenia, I realized I was dumb. And then I slept for a thousand years. When I finally emerged from my phlegm-induced coma, I did the only thing I could do.

I made soup! My favorite soup! Made with the blood leaves of a thousand healthy people purple cabbage. It will make you well because every bowl has 36% of your daily Vitamin C needs and I know nothing about modern medicine and/or science.

Purple Cabbage Soup? More like Date Night Soup, amiright?
No. No I am not. Not recommended for dating. Unless you’re into that sort of thing…girl you freaky.

I’ve been eating this soup since I was but a wee child and by that I mean age 14 because that’s as far back as my memory goes. It’s wonderfully low calorie (52 calories per 6oz serving! The entire pot is under 600 calories! I shit you not!), super cheap to make, filling, only a little scary looking, and it makes your hands purple. Yay!

I Lady Macbethed the shit out of this soup.

If this soup doesn’t blow your mind, you should check your temperature because I’m worried and you’re pale and your nose is visibly running and I need you to walk away because you look like the walking dead. Ergo, only the walking dead dislike this soup.

This soup looks really serious but like, it’s really a fun time.
Just don’t bring up marriage.

PURPLE CABBAGE SOUP
makes 10-12 6oz servings
adapted from my childhood

Ingredients:

• 1 head of purple cabbage, sliced into strips (500g or so)
• 1 small-medium onion (100g), diced
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (spoiler alert: this bitch is spicy)
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced
• 2 tablespoons (24g) light brown sugar
• ¼ cup of balsamic vinegar
• 1 cup of canned diced tomatoes
• 3 cups of vegetable broth*
• salt and pepper to taste

optional add-ins: sour cream, greek yogurt, their vegan counterparts

I finally got a big old pot to make big old soup so I’m an adult now…

Spray your big soup pot with some cooking spray or, if you’re feeling daring, a little bit of olive oil. Cook the onions over medium heat until translucent. Add in the hot pepper flakes and garlic and cook for another minute. Throw in the balsamic vinegar and the brown sugar. Bring to a simmer. Smell that goodness. Add in the cabbage and toss it to full incorporate it with everything else in the pot. Add in the tomatoes, vegetable stock, and 3 cups of water*. Salt and pepper to taste. Bring to a simmer and let it cook for 30-40 minutes.

Add a bit of extra balsamic vinegar or brown sugar if you think it needs it. I ended up adding probably a tablespoon of vinegar and another teaspoon of brown sugar.

Top with a dollop of something tasty or devour it as is.

*Feel free to use 6 cups of vegetable stock if you like. I just ran out of it after 3 cups and it still tasted great with the additional 3 cups of water.

NUTRITION

Tags: appetizer, balsamic vinegar, cabbage, cheap food, cooking, diet, dinner, easy, fat-free, food, gluten-free, health food, healthy, low calorie, low carb, low fat, lunch, new york, quick dinner, savory, servings, skinny, snack, soup, spicy, sweet, vegan, vegetables, vegetarian, winter