Spoiler Alert: I’ve never purchased a box of Girl Scout cookies. I am strictly a “these will fall into my lap and then be repositioned to fall into my mouth” Girl Scout cookie eater. The fact is, I don’t really like them all that much. Plus, I hate “doing things for the community” and “supporting positive leadership experiences that help empower girls.” No way, man. And I’ve never understood those people who just fucking lose it over mass produced boxes of extremely sweet yet moderately tasteless (I like to think people describe me the same way) cookies. I mean, one of my coworkers has a Girl Scout Tracker app on her phone and there is absolutely nothing creepier than those 4 words in that order. Nothing.
I do understand, however, that Samoas are in a different league than the rest of the line up. They’re still in the minors but they’re like the one guy who might make it but also probably won’t make it because let’s be real, no one’s gonna make it out of that hell hole. God I love analogies.
Samoas are the cloyingly sweetest of all the cloyingly sweet Girl Scout offerings but you know what? They own it. They go all out and make your teeth hurt with zero apologies. And I like that kind of moxie in a cookie. And, as it turns out, an ice cream.
FUCK THIS IS GOOD.
Sorry, I’m just all hyped up on sugar and dreams right now. When I’m not eating this ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (because I like to take care of my body because my body is a wonderland in which there are constant heart palpitations and you wonder what kind of sick wonderland is this? The fuck?), I’m drizzlingly this homemade vegan caramel sauce on everything. Absolutely everything. I would drizzle the sauce on the sauce and eat that if I was into that Next Level shit.
Let’s just…let’s get to the recipe before I slip into a diabetic coma/something more comfortable.
NOTE: I didn’t use all of the caramel I made. The recipe made 125g worth and I used probably 85g of it. The nutrition details are worked out using 100g of the caramel. Do with that information what you will.
SAMOA GIRL SCOUT COOKIE ICE CREAM
serves 4
vegan caramel adapted from The Nourishing Gourmet
ingredients:
- 2 tablespoons Splenda Brown Sugar Blend
- 2 tablespoons pure cane sugar
- 1 tablespoon coconut butter or oil
- 1 tablespoon agave
- ⅓ cup full fat coconut milk
- ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
- some salt
- 1 can (13.5oz) of lite coconut milk (lots of people swear by full fat coconut milk only vegan ice creams – I just swear)
- 4 packets of Truvia
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 2 graham crackers, divided and crumbled
- 15g shredded unsweetened coconut (go all out and use toasted coconut)
- 1 – 2 tablespoons dairy-free chocolate sauce OR (recommended) your own chocolate sauce made of 15g dark chocolate and a touch of cooconut butter or oil
Make your caramel:
In a heavy bottom pan (I don’t even know what the fuck that means, I’m sorry), heat up your coconut butter, sugars, and agave while you stir occasionally. It’ll start to thicken a bit. When it starts to bubble, carefully add the coconut milk. Mix it to combine, bring to a simmer, and let it cook for 2 minutes. Stir once or twice in there to prevent burning but mostly let it cook. Take it off the heat. Sprinkle in some salt. Allow it to cool and harden a bit.
Make your ice cream/miracles:
Whisk together your light coconut milk, Truvia, and vanilla extract. Whip out your ice cream machine and start churning that shit. When your ice cream machine says you’re good to go (WHY IS IT TALKING), stir in one graham cracker worth of crumbles. Decide what kind of container you’re going to freeze your ice cream in…I chose a silicone loaf pan. I do not suggest a silicone loaf pan. In whatever non-silicone-loaf-pan you chose, spoon a a layer of your newly made ice cream. Drizzle a tablespoon on the caramel over. Repeat once or twice more, until your ice cream is all in there. On the top of the ice cream. Drizzle another 2-3 tablespoons of caramel sauce. Top with the rest of your crumbled graham cracker. Sprinkle the coconut on top. Top with a chocolatey zig zag. Freeze til it’s at the consistency you want. Love.
NUTRITION: 224 calories // 27g carbs // 12g fat / 1g protein / 1g fiber / 20g sugar
Quiche-a-Week 
I just laughed until I almost cried at that analogy. So, so true. And I AGREE. THIN MINTS ARE REALLY NOT THAT GREAT. I don’t understand the craze except for the samoas. You described my feelings on the situation beautifully and far more eloquently than I would have.
Blasphemy! Thin Mints are the shit! So much so that I bought seven bottles of Thin Mint-flavored coffee creamer! 😆 When I was a Girl Scout, Thin Mints and Samoas were my biggest seller. And now, I must ensure that all of my teeth fall out and my hips spread as wide as possible because this Samoa ice cream looks freaking delicious!!