Red, White & Blue No-Bake Tart and Other Heartbreak Home Remedies

Red, White & Blue No-Bake Tart

Everyone seems to have their own home remedy for recovering from a broken heart. It’s like getting gum out of your hair or relieving a case of the hiccups. Don’t talk about him for a whole week. Go to the gym. Rebound. Write a way too personal blog post about it and somehow tie it back to food at some point. Ok, that last one’s just ridiculous and so it’s clearly the only advice I’m taking seriously. But the others are just as absurd, really. The truth is you don’t know you’re over it until one day you just are. And there’s no way of getting there until you just do. But in the meantime, you can make pie.

You can listen to sad songs while you drink a glass of water upside down. You can cry a lot. Or you can make pie.

You can think about what ifs and why nots while you put peanut butter in your hair. You can cry some more. Or you can make pie.

And so that’s why I made pie.

In the end, you’ll still miss the person terribly but at least this time around you’re eating pie. And people love pie.

Red, White & Blue No-Bake Tart

Red, White & Blue No-Bake Tart

serves 8 all-American overly sensitive girls who are just going through some shit, okay?



  • 2 cups of your favorite cereal (for nutrition fact purposes, I used Kashi GoLean with the sprigs and whatevers. This cereal has honey so if you want a honey-free cereal, by all means use one.)
  • 3 tablespoons maple syrup
  • 1 tablespoon melted vegan butter
  • 2 tablespoons water


  • 1 carton (13.5oz) silken tofu
  • 2 tablespoons maple syrup
  • a few squeezes of lemon juice
  • 2 – 3 teaspoons vanilla extract, to your own taste
  • 4 packets of Truvia


  • sliced strawberries
  • blueberries

I’m not about to cry again. My eyes just have a really rich glassy quality to them naturally and LAY OFF.

Make the crust. In a food processor, combine your crust ingredients. Process them down to a graham cracker crust consistency. Get out a springform pan (or a greased pie pan) and press the crust mixture evenly in the pan. Put in the freezer.

Make the custard. In your trusty food processor, combine all the custard ingredients. Adjust the sweetness, tartness, vanilla-iness to your own taste. Take out the chilled crust and pour the custard on top. Shake it gently to even the layer of custard. Put it back in the freezer. Leave it there for a couple of hours until it hardens some.

Make it America. Arrange your fruit like a fucking patriot. Hey! You’re cursing again! Things are looking better already!

per 1/8th slice

121 calories . 21g carbs . 3g fat . 6g protein . 3g fiber . 11g sugar




  1. Kool recipe, perfect for 4th of july 😀

  2. Sorry to hear you’re feeling heartbroken. That’s sucky. Well, it’s shitty too. On the plus side, PIE! Hope you feel better soon and thanks for writing your blog in such a fun way.

  3. Two of my favourite fruits together 🙂 il definitey be giving this a try. Thanks for the recipe!!

  4. Pie for all! This looks delish. I have you in my blog reader but couldn’t remember if you were vegan or not. Almost didn’t click to read the recipe for fear of dairy disappointment. Hope you’re feeling less glum now, 22days post publishing. Break ups are the worst :-/

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