Cold Sesame Zucchini Noodles

Cold Sesame Zucchini Noodles

I call a lot of things I love “stupid.” My favorite clothes are “stupid cute.” My favorite mode of transportation is “stupid long walks.” My dog is “stupid.” And Cold Sesame Zucchini Noodles are stupid on a whole new level: stupid healthy, stupid easy, stupid good. Alright, I think I just reached my quota for that word. Like for the rest of my life. Can I say my clothes are totally fucking dumb now or does that mean something else? It means I’m a style maven? Finally. I’ve been meaning to talk to everyone about that anyways.

Cold Sesame Zucchini Noodles

So let’s break down how totally fucking dumb (I’m an Early Adopter) this recipe is…


This is so very healthy! You have raw veggies acting as noodles so you can get that hot summer bod back or whatever the kids are saying instead of “ewww carbs.” It also features some good fats by way of sesame oil and even some protein! We’re eating an entire zucchini here!


I got home from school the other night at 10:30pm and whipped this up in all of like 10 minutes. In comparison, just a mile down the street in opposite land where things are hard, my boyfriend spent an hour and a half cooking a pot roast. I win.


Self-explanatory. I was resisting the urge to just drink the leftover liquids. I am so, so strong. And good looking. Things sound so true when I just say them!

Cold Sesame Zucchini Noodles

serves 2 normal people or one really, really hungry person (why are you so hungry? eat something!)


  • 2 teaspoons sesame oil
  • 3 tablespoons reduced sodium soy sauce
  • 1½ tablespoons rice vinegar
  • ½  to 1 teaspoon chili oil
  • ¼ teaspoon Splenda brown sugar blend
  • 2 to 3 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 2 large zucchinis (I would say 1 zucchini per person eating? and/or 2 per hungry bitch?)
  • 2 scallions, finely sliced
  • ½ tablespoonish sesame seeds
  • sriracha (optional)

you’re stupid cute. swearzies.

whisk together the oil, soy sauce, vinegar, chili oil, sugar, and garlic. Adjust to your own personal taste. Sprial cut your zucchini(s). Toss with the sauce. Top with scallions and sesame seeds. Sriracha if you’re into it.


NUTRITION per serving: 147 calories . 21g carbs . 6g fat . 8g protein . 5g fiber . 10g sugar




  1. Look delicious!!! Can’t wait to try it out

  2. (▰˘◡˘▰) · · Reply

    This looks so great. I’m dying to try to make zucchini noodles but what is the tool you used to get them cut so thin and perfectly straight?

    1. It’s called a Spiral Cutter. If you go down to the directions, there’s a link where it says “spiral cut your zucchini(s)” that’ll show you an example of a spiral cutter. I think there are two main designs for them. Get one! They’re great and pretty cheap.

  3. Oh, I have to get me this Spiral Cutter to make my food look this good…amazing! 😉

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