Fried Cauliflower Rice

Cauliflower Fried Rice

I am getting so bad at this blogging thing, huh? I feel like it’s 1 part being a student, 1 part being poor, 2 parts I eat like shit these days. (SEE HOW I PUT IT INTO COOKING WORDS?) So problem 1 and problem 2 are going to be constants until problem 1 is solved by employment and then I’m only kidding myself that problem 2 will be thus resolved. Problem 3, however, problem 3 and I need to have some words.

Eating like shit is definitely related to being a student and a poor one at that. My classes take place in the evening and I often find myself eating 2-3 dinners during the course of a night. That is easily 1-2 too many dinners for one night! And quite often I eat a cookies/brownies combo for lunch and then I do my homework during the day which involves heavy snacking. I rejoined my gym last month but I sometimes run out of time/clean gym clothes to do that too. All of these things add up to one terrible, terrible realization:

I’ve gained like 8 pounds.

And I haven’t gotten any taller. And my clothes didn’t gain 8 pounds with me. And all my body related insecurities? Slapping me in the face with their 8 pounds heavier problems. They’re not even really problem areas anymore, you know? Because they know no limits? Ugh. I hate that my body is such a free spirit.

So this realization sucked really hard. And after weeks of struggling with acceptance, I decided today that uh, maybe I should eat a little better? I don’t know? Please don’t slap me in the face 8 pound heavier problems? Of course I need to get back into making the gym a routine but sometimes that comes along with me focusing on my eating habits too.

So! It’s back to MyFitnessPal we go and maybe cooking again (what a novel idea!) and maybe less ice cream and bagels and carbs in general and definitely less dinners per day. I’m trying this new approach where I track what I’m eating by time periods in the day: wakeup – noon, noon – 4pm, 4pm – 8pm, 8pm – midnight, midnight – whenever the party that is my life decides to call it quits. I’ve never done that before but it seems like a good approach for someone with a really weird schedule that hates labeling things. (I totally hate labeling things.) If anyone who reads this has any time-of-day-eating-tips, I’d love to hear them. But only if they are presented in hyphenated form plz.

Fried Cauliflower Rice

Enough of all that! Fried Cauliflower rice is a step in the right direction: it’s physically a lot of food which makes me happy but every 2 – 2½ cup serving is only 164 calories with only 15g net carbs and 19g protein. To me, that’s a really good use of 164 vegan calories. To you, it’s all like “numbers.” Fun Fact: we’re both right.

On with the show!

Fried Cauliflower Rice

serves 3 – 2 to 2½ cups servings


  • 1 medium head of cauliflower, cut into chunks
  • 80g (½ cup or so) diced onion
  • 3 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 100g mixed sweet mini peppers or just plain old bell peppers, diced (equals like 5 or so mini peppers?)
  • 85g (2 cups) kale, de-ribbed and chopped
  • 2 cups of water
  • 13.5 ounces lite firm tofu, dried and then broken up into rough pieces
  • ½ teaspoon or so turmeric (for color)
  • 3 tablespoons reduced sodium soy sauce (find gf tamari for a ff good time)
  • 1 tablespoons red chili sauce or sriracha
  • cooking spray

that was so fun when we went on with the show!

In a food processor, chop up the cauliflower into rice-like size chunks. Set aside.

Toss your totally dried tofu (we all totally dried our tofu, right??) with the turmeric and set it in a bowl for later. In a wok, bring your 2 cups of water to a boil and toss the kale in there, cooking for a few minutes a la Iowa Girl Eats. Sidenote: if I don’t stop using the phrase “a la,” I’m going to break up with myself. Drain the kale and set it aside to keep the tofu and cauliflower company.

In that same (hopefully gigantic) wok, heat up some cooking spray over medium high heat. Add the onions and cook them for a few moments til they start to get translucent. Add the garlic, cook another 30 seconds, and then add the peppers. Cook another minute or so, refresh your cooking spray if you feel like it, then add the turmeric-ed tofu crumbles. Toss everything about, letting the tofu fry some. After you feel your tofu has fried enough, toss in the cauliflower rice and kale, soy sauce, and chili sauce. Keep tossing and letting everything fry and stuff. When the flavors are to your liking, take off the heat and inhale.

based on 3 servings: 164 calories  / 21 g carb / 3g fat / 19g protein / 6g fiber / 8g sugar




  1. I feel you… weight just sneaks up on you.. I’m also going through a weird schedule lately and found myself finishing off a jar of peanut butter merely 4 days after buying it. Tragic! Poor Students for life!
    I can’t wait to try this recipe… I had such a rice craving last night and this would’ve been a smarter option!!

  2. Dear god do I ever hear ya! #gradstudentfoodieprobz

    Ryan Rose Weaver 716.550.0705


  3. Oh my GOSH I missed your posts!!! I seriously feel like you could write a whole series of books that would be really popular because your writing style is just the perfect level of snark and clever. As a newly-back-on-the-scene-student…I’m actually doing the same kind of thing. I make darn sure I monitor the 4-8pm time slot because that’s when I tend to go to TOWN. Wish I could go to town on this rice right about now!

    1. Aw thanks! I write a lot at work everyday so when I have time to cook on the weekends, my brain is a little fried! But sitting at a desk all day has my eating habits worse than ever. Also there’s a candy bowl too close to where I sit. And it’s perpetually full. Like magic. Candy magic. And everyone knows that’s the best kind!

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