Vegan Russian


Vegan Russian

Spoiler alert: girl likes to drink.

(I am said girl.)

vegan russian

not even making this drink at 1pm could keep me from taste testing it/doing my best impression of an alcoholic.

My drink of choice is diet coke and your least finest well whiskey because at night time I am a) sleepy b) cheap as hell and c) A LADY. It’s like I’m the perfect date or something? I also typically opt for salads or vegetable side dishes. PERFECT DATE MATERIAL.

But when I’m tired of that, I hit up the ol’ cocktail list. And wham! I’m $10-$14 worse of a date. I like the fruity girly drinks of course and the hot drinks too (more on that later) but what I really want, deep down, is to be dressed in a robe and sipping on a White Russian.

vegan russian

When I learned Kahlua is dairy-free, my first reaction was “so what is it then?” followed closely by my shit going missing. Because I lost it. I lost my shit.

So here we go. This is less a recipe, more a “you should drink more White Russians” thing. The chocolate sauce in the mug screams I’M A SOPHISTICATED CHILD and as I’ve said time and time before, I love screaming. Wild for it.

vegan russian

VEGAN RUSSIAN

ingredients:

  • 2 oz vodka
  • 1 oz kahlua
  • 4 oz almond milk
  • comically large ice
  • chocolate sauce (take a look at ingredients to make sure it’s dairy-free. I found Ah!Laska at Whole Foods pretty easily.)

his name is Slav and he’s really into PETA and hugs…

Take your mug or glass or something and toss it in the freezer for 15 minutes or so. Remove from the freezer and drizzle some chocolate inside there in a fancy pants design. Put it back in the freezer for another 15 minutes or so.

Remove from the mug from the freezer and toss in your comically large ice cube. (I feel like me telling you to put ice in your drink is almost as patronizing as me saying I’m patronizing you. Almost.) Throw in your vodka, then your Kahlua, and then your milk. Stir gently if you like. I don’t care. It’s your life.

NUTRITION: ok. I learned long ago that counting calories when you’re drinking takes all the fun out of drinking. And if you aren’t drinking for fun, you’re drinking for the wrong reason. So no nutrition facts. Sorry.

4 comments

  1. Richard Wilkof · · Reply

    very amusing and interesting. Kahlua dairy-free? Who knew? I’ll tell you who knew. All those Hassids you’ve been hanging out with in Williamsburg.

    Grammar police alert: “Stir gently if you like”, not “if you life.” One use of the word “life” per line.

    Richard Wilkof rwilkof0@gmail.com

    1. it’s so weird how you’re correcting my typo in the comments section again even though I can’t stand it when you correct my typos in the comments section.

      ………yeah.

  2. Haahahah this is perfect. I can’t wait to do this.

  3. Thank goodness you didn’t list the calories. I concur that if you are drinking you need to not be worried about the caloric value. Enjoy that shit. I aftually recently made White Russians with almond milk for a lil’ Big Lebowski watching partay…

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