If you’ve ever seen that Seinfeld episode or lived a life involving any form of muffin consumption, you’re probably well aware that the best part of a muffin is the top. But here’s a fun fact: the worst part of a person is quite often that other kind of muffin top. You know, that bastard child of beer guts and spare tires that likes to hang out around Spring Breaks and college freshman dorms. Various very high tech and scientific studies (ie me using my eyes to look at the shape of people who hang out at bakeries) show that these two types of muffin tops are directly linked if one is not careful. While the tops of muffins are not dangerous on their own, it can be extremely hard to just stop at the top. Basically when you get a whole muffin with the intention of just eating the top, you’re not going to succeed. You will fail. You will be a failure full of muffin. And failure is often haunted with muffin tops. The bad ones.
If you’re still following me (how? how are you still following me?), allow me to share with you the safe muffin top experience.
I present to you: the blueberry and macadamia muffin top.
It’s pretty clear what makes these so good. Portion control is in full force in this recipe as you’re only making the tops here – it’s physically impossible to accidentally consume an entire muffin with this recipe. Also they’re pretty low cal in general for a good sized treat. Plus anything with blueberries immediately screams MUFFIN to me and with the macadamia nuts and coconut you’re pretty much shouting I AM FANCY. And I find it really sexy when you shout. Plus, if “trying out this weird vegan shit or whatever” is one of your new New Years resolutions, this recipe includes some Vegan 101 ingredient substitutions. Unsweetened applesauce replaces eggs as a binder and keeps the consistency more on the cakey side. To make it even puffier, there’s baking powder thrown in too. Also, vegan butter is a thing that exists. So there’s that. But if you’re not concerned with the vegan aspect, throw some white chocolate in there too for giggles and yum yums.
These are excellent and delicious and I was caught trying to secretly consume one the other night (because I didn’t want to share) and in my haste to hide my bounty, my cover was blown. Muffin top fell out of my mouth.
Now read that last sentence again and replace “muffin top” with “muffin top.“
BLUEBERRY and MACADAMIA MUFFIN TOPS
- 1¼ cups brown rice flour
- ½ teaspoon baking powder
- ½ teaspoon baking soda
- ½ teaspoon salt
- ½ cup (one stick) vegan butter, softened
- 2 tablespoons Splenda Brown Sugar Blend
- 2 tablespoons white sugar
- 2 oz unsweetened applesauce
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 15g unsweetened shredded coconut
- ½ cup gluten-free rolled oats
- 35g frozen blueberries
- 28g macadamia nuts, coarsely chopped
my new years resolution is simply “metallic”…
Preheat your oven to 375. Line some cookie sheets with parchment paper.
In a medium bowl, sift or whisk together the flour, baking powder and soda, and salt. Set aside. In another bowl, combine the coconut and rolled oats.
With an electric mixer, cream the vegan butter and the sugars. Mix in the applesauce, scrape down the sides, this isn’t your first rodeo or whatever I don’t know. Mix in the vanilla. Scrape. Take your bowl of coconut and oats and mix it into the dough. Add the flour mixture about a third at a time. Mix until well incorporated. Stir in the frozen blueberries and macadamia nuts by hand.
Roll into balls and set them on the prepped baking sheets. Press them down lightly with your palm. Add any renegade blueberries or macadamia nuts that might be trying to pull a quick one on you. Bake for 15 minutes. Let cool. Eat muffin tops.
NUTRITION: 142 calories // 16g carbs // 8g fat // 2g protein // 1g fiber // 4g sugar