Let me start out first by saying “you’re welcome.” I was in a bad mood when I made these and wrote this long diatribe of a post ready that made almost no sense whatsoever. Then I scrapped it. To spare you. Because I love you. Also because it was nonsensical diatribe.
So, obvious next step is potatoes, right? This relates to potatoes…
Like lots of vegetarians, I used to eat a whole lot of french fries. Typically my excuse for this was that french fries are extremely tasty. And potatoes are vegetables. And vegetables are good for you. And they conjure up images of famines, for fuck’s sake. They’d never hurt me! It was all so beautiful, me eating every french fry in the world. Then one day, I came to my senses. French fries, especially by the plateful that you can never stop eating until you’ve eaten the actual physical plate, wouldn’t hesitate for even a second to hurt me.
But I tend to only work in extremes. Instead of ditching french fries for the more sensible potato options that I knew existed, I decided to just cut myself off from potatoes. All potatoes. Because I don’t do things halfway/it was much easier that way. It’s been like this for at least a year with very few slip-ups. Just me and my own opposite-of-potato-famine-ing. I turned all my expert excuse-making energy towards vilifying potatoes. Until today. It’s weird how all it takes is one moment to wipe away days, weeks, months, years of excuses. When I saw a bag of baby potatoes at the grocery and I was all like “awww” because I’m a sucker for all foods in miniature, I suddenly remembered all those nutritionally positive facts I’d swept under the potato-hate rug. (Sounds squishy!) They’re delightfully fibrous. Full of nutrients or whatever. And, in moderation, they can’t hurt you. Much like everything else ever.
When potatoes are left to their own delicious devices, they’re basically harmless. It’s conventional accoutrements that fuck shit up. Dependant on each potato’s size, these Twice Baked Baby Potatoes are between 10 and 15 calories each. They’re considerably more filling than french fries so even though they’re small and you might want to, it’s hard to really overdo it. And if you want to prove me wrong, go ahead and see if I care – this whole recipe will set you back like 450 calories at most. But they’re absurdly good so if you decide to share them, they won’t last long.
Make them for Thanksgiving, make them for people you love, people you like, people you’re ambivalent towards. Make them because you know potatoes don’t deserve the hate you’ve been spreading.
And because I can’t just totally ditch my bad mood and that stupid ranting post, here’s my speech in a lovely edition Real Talk with Molly™: stop making excuses. Don’t make them for people. Don’t make them for food. Don’t make yourself believe them. Because one day, you’re going to realize you’ve been wasting your time on something you already knew from the beginning.
(It was a fucking diatribe, by the way.)
TWICE BAKED BABY POTATOES
- sack o’ 1½ dozen baby potatoes
- smoked paprika
- ½ teaspoon garlic powder
- 1½ tablespoons almond milk
- 1 tablespoon whipped vegan butter (I find this spreadable version to be the easiest to mix-in with stuff)
- some cooking spray
- (optional) ½ an ounce or so of your favorite Daiya cheese wedge
me: they’re also vegan! people eating them: just…just shut up.
Preheat your oven to 400. Line a baking sheet with tin foil.
Rinse and pat dry your potatoes. Toss them in a large bowl with a couple spritzes of cooking spray, a bit of salt and pepper, and a sprinkling of paprika. Put them on your prepared baking sheet and roast for 15-30 minutes, depending on the size of your particular mini potatoes. When you check them after 15 minutes, stick a fork in one. If it stabs in and comes out easily, they’re probably cooked enough. Let them cool til handleable.
Slice each potato in half lengthwise. Set them flesh side up. With a metal teaspoon or ½ teaspoon depending on potato size, carefully scoop out a little round of potato. Keep the walls of your baby potatoes relatively thick (my spacial relationship challenged brain says ⅛”? Sure.) to keep the potatoes in tact.
In a food processor, mix the scooped out potato insides with your milk, butter, and garlic powder. Add salt, pepper, and more paprika to taste. Process still smooth.
Scoop the now mashed potatoes back into each baby potato half. Top with a dab of Daiya cheese wedge if you want. Sprinkle some more paprika over the tops to make them real pretty like. Bake for 15 minutes or until the mashed potatoes inside have brown a bit. Serve. Devour. Demolish. Deohmygodthey’regood.
(estimations…all baby potatoes are different sizes and stuff): 15 calories // 3g carbs