On a scale of 1 to The-Slightly-Deranged-Man-Who-Complimented-My-Dog-On-“Curbing Himself”-When-He-Wasn’t-Even-Going-To-The-Bathroom-Let-Alone-Doing-Anything-Intelligent, how creepy is it to have a camera tripod set up in your bedroom at all times? And is it worse if it’s perpetually pointed out the window into your neighbor’s apartment or directly towards your bed?
What I’m trying to say is we’ve entered the Molly Bought a Tripod era. It’s a natural progression from The Golden Age of Not Good at Storing Things.
So I the opposite of splurged and spent $30 buying something that makes taking photos of food infinitely easier. …in case you didn’t know what a tripod was or whatever. Turns out it’s also pretty adequate for recording conversations you have with your dog without involving a third party. (The complimentary fella from before was busy harassing scantily clad young ladies last I checked. I need to start wearing shorter short-shorts.)
But back to the future II food. This is a food blog, not a whatever the hell I was rambling about moments ago (short-shorts! it was short-shorts!). And it’s time I revives its roots as a pro-protein, low-cal, low-carb, seitan worshipping epicenter of yum!
I speak of course of Vegan Buffalo Chik’n & Mung Bean Pasta. Of course. 51 motherfucking grams of vegan protein in one 8.5oz serving. That’s so insanely implausible that I went ahead and wrote some books so I could go back and check the books. It was a roundabout process at best.
But it checks out. 51 grams of protein. 29 grams of carbs, 12 grams of fiber, 17 grams of net-carbs for all you mathletes out there. And only 345 calories. Is this the 8.5 oz bowl of pasta and fake meat of your dreams you’ve been holding out for?
I mean yeah. It is.
Also you should stop holding out so much.
No one likes prudes. Jury’s still out on prunes.
- 1 cup (144g) vital wheat gluten
- 2 tablespoons cornmeal
- 1 tablespoon nutritional yeast
- ¾ teaspoon poultry seasoning
- ½ teaspoon onion powder
- ½ teaspoon garlic powder
- ¼ teaspoon cayenne
- ¼ teaspoon chili powder
- ¼ teaspoon salt
- A few shakes of pepper
- 1 tablespoon soy sauce + ½ cup water
- ⅓ cup soy sauce + 8 cups water
- 2 tablespoons frank’s red hot divided
- 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
- ¼ – ½ teaspoon Sriracha
- ½ teaspoon dried oregano
- ¼ teaspoon onion powder
- ¼ teaspoon garlic powder
- ¼ teaspoon cayenne
- 1 8 oz bag mung bean fettuccine
- ½ cup Frank’s red hot
- 1 oz vegan blue cheese alternative (or the real stuff if you’re into that)
- Celery sticks