There are a few classic lines from movies that I just can’t get enough of.
“This screen’s getting all blue-y on me.”
“How long have you been a robber?” “Four foot one, sir!”
“Leeloo Dallas Multipass!”
“Now I’ve popped both your cherries.”
Ok that last one isn’t so much a spoken line as it is a threatening letter left on the windshield of a busted up vintage fancy car cherished by Reese Witherspoon’s dad, William Peterson. (I’m pretty sure that movie was real life?) But don’t let that stop you from believing that I quote it on the regular.
FEAR is a fantastic movie. It’s a movie title that you have to type out in all caps because otherwise Mark Wahlburg will come by and pop both your cherries. Even if you think it’s not applicable to you, he’ll make it so. Because he’s Mark Wahlburg and if you’re not careful, he’ll also slip his hand up your skirt on a Ferris wheel. Even if you’re not on a Ferris wheel. Especially if you’re not on a Ferris wheel. Wild horses, man. Wild horses.
All this being said, since I’m not going to make a Self-Inflicted Black-and Blue Bruised Chicken Breast to commemorate this fine film (when I do that hit myself in the chest move in public, does that count as quoting the movie? Or just psychosis?) I decided to make some Cherry Poppers.
Oh man, while I was so busy talking about FEAR, I almost forgot the other very important point of this recipe and since that is all undeletable comedic GOLD up there, I’ll take this moment to mention the other fun part of Cherry Poppers…
I don’t use real sugar very often so this was kind of more of a treat than I was even expecting. The people at Zulka were nice enough to send me
the world’s largest a 4lb bag of their Morena Pure Cane Sugar so I’ll never need to casually and adorably meet my neighbors via sugar request ever again. It’s a non-GMO verified product and it actually tastes different from other sugar. Instead of yucky pants white stuff that rhymes with “momino”, Zulka legit tastes like sugar cane. Swear to sugar it does. It’s all sorts of good. So into my Cherry Popper filling it goes!
And into your mailbox it can go too!
Zulka is giving away another 4lb bag of Morena Pure Cane Sugar to one lucky reader who will now finally be able to answer the age old question, Sugar how’d you get so fly?
Zulka. That’s how.
To enter, comment on this post telling me what you would do with every grain of 4 pounds of sugar.
You must be a resident of the U.S. to be eligible.
I’ll pick a winner next week.
Thanks Zulka! SUGAR 4 EVA self-tattooed on my chest! (See what I did there, FEAR fans?)
These are incredibly good so make sure you get rid of them almost immediately or you’ll be just like me and all hopped up on sugar and cherries and wonton wrappers and ready to discuss the merits of FEAR for 300 words. I mean, it warrants at least double that but whatever. On to popping both your cherries!
- One 10oz bag of frozen cherries (about 3 cups worth)
- ½ cup Zulka Moreno Pure Cane Sugar
- 2 tablespoons cornstarch
- the juice from one lemon
- 8oz reduced fat cream cheese** (or vegan cream cheese alternative)
- ½ cup milk of your choice
- big container of wonton wrappers** (or vegan puff pastry or tofu skins)
- butter** (…or vegan butter), you probably won’t need more than a tablespoon
- cooking spray
I’m going to beat the shit out of someone in the woods while you make me some poppers, k?
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Line some baking sheets with parchment paper as per usual.
Toss your frozen cherries, sugar, cornstarch, and lemon juice in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir it while the fruit cooks down and releases juices. Bring it to a boil then allow it to simmer until it thickens up significantly.
While your filling is simmering, combine your cream cheese and milk in a food processor and blend those goodies. Your cream cheese should get the consistency of the whippable kind.
Take your reduced and thickened filling off the stove. Combine with the cream cheese/milk fixture by hand. (You can do it with a food processor but then you lose some fun giant cherries.
Lay out some wonton wrappers on your prepared baking sheets. Plop a tablespoon or so of your filling mixture in the center. To make a square little dumpling shape, dab the corners of the wrappers with a touch of butter (this is going to be a slippery ride from here on out) and pull a corner into the middle. Moving clockwise, pull the rest of the corners in. Dab the seam on top with a touch of butter. To make fun little triangle pouches, dab the perimeter of the wrapper with a tiny bit of butter and fold the wonton in half diagonally. Press the prongs of a fork along the outer seam to seal it. Finger a little more butter along the seams. Whatever shapes you choose to make, lightly spray the tops with cooking spray when you’re done.
Bake for 15 minutes or until the corners are golden brown. Remove and cool and for god’s sake don’t leave me alone in a room with them.
**Since wonton wrappers aren’t vegan and I’m not in the mood to go to Chinatown in the rain and pretend to know where to find tofu skins, I went all out non-vegan on this recipe. It’s simple to make the modifications to make it vegan so don’t be discouraged from making it just because of the cream cheese and wrappers. I promise dairy-free cream cheese and vegan puff pastry from the Dates in a Blanket era will taste equally delicious.