I’m sure I could come up with some silly story for this recipe but I’m not going to waste your time with some bullshit about an enlightening conversation I had with some adorable woodland creature regarding spelt flour or something. (“Enlightening” is a bit of a stretch but when was the last time you told a spotted owl they were full of shit?)
No. There will be none of that. Because here’s the thing: you need to make these muffins and you need to make them now.
And then you need to give them away to some gluten-free vegan stranger on the street (like shooting fish in a motherfucking barrel, man) before you eat every single muffin in rapid succession.
Have I made it clear how incredible good these muffins are yet? Would it help if you imagined me with chocolate smeared on my face? Because there’s chocolate smeared on my face. Yesterday, while at the beach, my friend told me I had mascara on my face but I wasn’t wearing mascara because the beach and it was absolutely chocolate. And I made these last week.
CHOCOLATE CHIP MOCHA MUFFINS
- 2 cups (240g) spelt flour (which I definitely thought was gluten free…it isn’t. Get some certified gluten-free oats and grind them to make a flour for your gluten-free needs!)
- ½ cup (24g) unsweetened cocoa powder
- 2 tablespoon instant espresso
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- ½ teaspoon salt
- ¼ cup (56g) vegan butter or margarine, melted
- ¼ cup (60g) crunchy peanut butter
- ¼ cup maple syrup
- ¼ cup molasses
- 8 oz unsweetened applesauce
- 4 oz unsweetened almond milk
- 2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 2 teaspoons orange zest
- 60g (64 chips if you’re a psycho) 60% cacao dark chocolate chips (anyone else think the bigger chips from Ghiradelli are a gift from some higher being?)
I’ve been eating these for breakfast, lunch and dinner because diabetes ain’t got shit on me until it most definitely one day does…
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.
In a medium bowl, combine your flour, cocoa powder, espresso, salt, and baking soda. Whisk it together til everything’s evenly incorporated. Set aside.
In another bowl, whisk together your melted fake butter, peanut butter, syrup, and molasses. Add in the apple sauce and vanilla extract and mix. Add in the milk and vinegar and orange zest.
Add your wet ingredients to your dry ingredients, mixing by hand until just smoothed. Don’t overwork it. Toss your chocolate chips in a pinch of spelt flour to coat them a bit and then add them to your batter.
Fill either greased muffin tins or fabulous silicone muffin cups 2/3 full with batter. Bake for 18 minutes or until a toothpick comes out dry when you stick in the center of a muffin.