On Friday, May 3rd, 2013, I went from having zero alcohol in my apartment at all ever to $100 poorer in various liquors and liqueurs despite only looking for tequila. What I’m trying to say is I go big or go home and then I go home and go big and by “big” I mean “drunk.”
So let me explain what happened. After emptying my life savings at Whole Foods, I wandered over to a nearby wine and liquor store where I was promptly greeted by a bearded man selling his own line of artisanal whiskey.
“Would you like to try this whiskey? I made it myself!” He said, beardedly.
“I do not believe you.”
“But I did! Why else what I have this beard?”
“True. But are you from Brooklyn?”
“I don’t believe you.”
And then I tried his whiskey because no matter what trepidations you’re a lady and you always accept free whiskey and it was on sale and came with a flask and I bought it because I support the arts.
Then I let the guy help me pick out a cheap-but-not-the-cheapest big bottle of tequila while he left his whiskey booth awkwardly unattended. Finally, at the register at which no one carded me because I’m 26 and apparently I’m the only person who still thinks I look 14, I picked up a small bottle of Cointreau and the whole point of this entire long-winded winding post: Kahlua.
I’ve had two cans of coconut milk sitting on my shelf for entirely too long, minding their own business (the business of coconut milk is a serious thing, very numbers driven), the full fat one simply dying to be made into Coconut White Russian Ice Cream. Without the vodka. Because I ain’t no alcoholic.
So, with one or more of the three different types of margarita I made in hand (recipe for the version at the end), I went about making my dreams come true. Ooo oo.
After making this ice cream, I think White Russians should be made with coconut milk because HELLO. That’s some real nice stuff. With some instant espresso thrown in there, a splash of almond milk, all the Truvia I had before I ran out and the maple syrup I used in addition because I’m never out of maple syrup, this ice cream really, really came together nicely. It’s so creamy and rich and I have it I my mouth right now. And you could be reading this any time ever.
I think this is the first time I’ve used full fat coconut milk to make ice cream, despite all the suggestions online to do so, and it absolutely makes a textural difference. A me-and-my-roommate-sitting-rapt-with-spoons-poised kind of difference.
COCONUT WHITE RUSSIAN ICE CREAM
Serves 5, 108g each
- 1 13 oz can of full fat coconut milk
- ¼ cup almond milk
- 1 tablespoon of instant espresso mixed with 3oz water
- 2 oz Kahlua
- 3 packets Truvia
- 2 tablespoons maple syrup (you could add another 3 Truvias in lieu of maple syrup if you still have any packets left in your industrial bulk sized case of Truvia)
- [optional] 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
hi my name is Molly and I’m heavily involved with ice cream and I’m drunk…
Make sure you have your chilled ice cream maker (I use the KitchenAid stand mixer bowl and attachment) all set and ready to go and, well, chilled.
Whisk all the ingredients together in a medium bowl. Pour it in your ice cream machine as per the instructions of whatever ice cream maker you use. Churn for 25-30 minutes. Grab two spoons and someone you love or just arm both of your hands and eat as is for some fucking amazing soft serve. Chill it in the freezer and it becomes fucking amazing ice cream. Who knew?
TROPICAL FRUIT MARGARITAS
serves 4-5, depending on how fun you are
- 10 oz frozen tropical fruit blend
- ¼ cup fresh squeezed orange juice
- 2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lime juice
- 8 oz diet sprite
- 5 oz tequila
- 2 oz cointreau
- some ice
- coarse salt for the rim + maybe even some smoked paprika because girl you crazy
Blend it. Blend it good.