Round 2! And 3! Fight!!
This morning I woke up quite satisfied in a post-Oscars haze and little else. And then I ate no less than 3 breakfasts. In rapid succession. There was some yogurt in there, some peanut butter, some tabouli/hummus/babaganouj leftovers, and yes, some Vanilla Protein Cake with Peanut Butter Frosting. I also had a bit of ice cream. I don’t even know why. It just felt right. Really, really right.
But then my stomach sank. And not like in the way that soon my stomach will most likely give up the will to live and therefore sink into despair. No. I realized that February is nearly over without a legit cookie search review. I mean, I’ve eaten a hell of a lot of cookies this month but so very few for science.
The solution to this problem? Take my dog on a 4-mile round trip walk to find some motherfucking cookies. It’s bound to balance everything out, right? This is just like Saturday night when I ate a frozen yogurt with fruit loops and oreo cookie toppings for dinner and then ran 4 miles no more than 15 minutes later. Without throwing up.
What I’m saying is, I understand exercise.
SO. Frank and I wandered down 5th avenue in Park Slope to not one, but two different cookie spots. We also stopped at a stationary store because duhhhh. (Scaredy Kat is incredible, by the way.) Blue Sky Bakery, a bakery better known for everything-but-their-cookies but who’s counting?, and ‘Snice , a vegan powerhouse of a cafe, you’re up to bat. Get in my tummy.
BLUE SKY BAKERY
53 5th Ave., Brooklyn, NY 11217
Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie – $1.25
1. SIZE: 6/10 – I love the giant chocolate chips in this cookie but I wish it was just a hair thicker. I like thin cookies but this was neither thin enough to be considered truly a thin cookie nor thick enough to seem like it was a conscious decision to make it such. I think that makes sense.
2. OVERALL TEXTURE: 5/10
- AS IS: 2/5 – It’s a little lackluster. I mean, it almost feels like the texture of a vegan cookie but not really in a good way. I like my oatmeal cookies to be, well, oat-y. It’s hard to have such a flat oatmeal cookie but let’s not harp on this. There are good things here too…
- POST 30 SEC MICROWAVING: 3/5 – Moderate improvement. It falls apart a little but the big chocolate chips are wonderful when melty.
3. DUNKED IN SOY MILK: 8/10 – The taste of this cookie is actually really, really great and the heavy cinnamon/nutmeg/oatmeal-y spices are even more illuminated with some soy milk. Also, this is the most pretentious part of my rating system. In case you haven’t noticed.
4. OVERALL TASTE: 14/20 – This is a really good cookie, guys. The flavors are balanced and, unlike a lot of chocolate chip cookies I’ve had, it um, actually has flavors. Flavors that exist enough to be called “balanced.”
- ADD INs: 7/10 – Love me some big old chocolate chips. I’ve said this three times already which makes sense because these chocolate chips are 3x bigger than the chocolate chips in my dreams.
- COOKIE DOUGH: 7/10 – I just totally love the spices in this cookie. It’s really well balanced, even if the oatmeal could stand to be a 1000% more prevalent. Which brings me back to the texture issues. I just…want more oatmeal cookie in my oatmeal cookie dough! -3 points!
5. BONUS POINTS: 3/3 – The inside of this bakery smelled incredible. I wanted to move in. I still am considering moving in. When can I move in?
315 5th Ave., Brooklyn, NY 11215
Vegan Maple Oatmeal Raisin – $2.00
1. SIZE: 8/10 – I’m a big fan of cookies this size. Not too big that it’s cumbersome and/or intimidating to finish, not too small that you’re feeling gypped. Also, I think a cookie this size has a better chance of maintaining good texture throughout. Because that is just logic.
2. OVERALL TEXTURE: 10/10
- AS IS: 5/5 – Dude. I cannot believe this cookie is vegan. I’ve had good vegan cookies, I’ve had vegan cookies that taste like sand, and I’ve had vegan cookies that are somewhere in between but most definitely most at home in a trash can. The underlying theme with all of those, however, has been that they’re not bad even though they’re vegan. But this cookie is different. It’s not that it’s so good despite being vegan. No. It is so good because it is the perfect any-cookie-ever texture. Well done, ‘Snice. I salute/eat you.
- POST 30 SEC MICROWAVING: 5/5 – Yes. That’s right. Perfection. This cookie tastes like a warm hug.
3. DUNKED IN SOY MILK: 9/10 – Really tasty. It’d maybe only be elevated in the soy milk test with the addition of chocolate. Maybe.
4. OVERALL TASTE: 18/20 – This is a really good cookie, guys. The flavors are balanced and, unlike a lot of chocolate chip cookies I’ve had, it um, actually has flavors. Flavors that exist enough to be called “balanced.”
- ADD INs: 8/10 – I could have done with a few more raisins. Maybe. Or maybe some other dried currant. Because why not. But there is something satisfying about the raisins and pecans (those are pecans, I think?) being sort of restrained. Tastes mature, man.
- COOKIE DOUGH: 10/10 – Just…just get the fuck out. I love, love, love the heavy maple flavor in this dough. It’s just home-y and warm and cozy and shit, man, every oatmeal raisin cookie should have maple syrup in it. If I’ve learned anything from today’s cookie adventure, it is that. Also, unlike the Blue Sky Bakery cookie, this one has a satisfying oats:dough ratio.