So listen. I’m good at a lot of things.
Ok, like at least 4-6 things. (Wait’l you hear me whistle!)
Icing cakes is not one of them.
let’s not talk about my shortcomings…let’s talk about my cakecomings. recipe jump!
I can blow dry my bangs really well; I cannot ice a cake. I can walk in really high heels over the course of many, many hours; I cannot ice a cake. I can put away a lot of celery; I cannot fucking ice a goddamn cake. And then like four more things, tops.
But mostly, I can make a moist, tasty, ridiculously good dairy and egg free cake with a hell of a lot of protein. And if, like 50 Cent, you are into having shakes and baked goods with whey-less protein powders like Vega/you ain’t into making not-those-things, this cake is straight up vegan so come give me a hug or whatever. Rappers, man, right? Also? Kids these days.
I’m entirely loving this cake. And that’s not coming from any old asshole who eats a lot of celery while wearing high heels and sporting some sick bangs. I’ve eaten a remarkable amount of cake in the last 48 hours so I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about.
Sure, it took me eleventy thousand times to figure out how I wanted to make the vegan icing. And yes, this is still pretty decadent. But the calories are coming from healthy fats and protein, not primarily carbs as is so often the case with cakes and, well, decadent things. And we hate carbs. Don’t we. Don’t we.
So let me ask you (the entire everyone) a question: are some people just not cake icers? Should I stop trying? Because I swear, this was me trying. Specifically trying not to suck. I think I need to stop fighting nature. Basically I’m going to hire small children to ice cakes for me. Their little fingers are so nimble and cost efficient! And I hate them so!
Tip: if you just want a protein-y muffin with very, very little guilt, skip the frosting. If you like frosting, don’t ever do that. Ever.
- ½ cup (40g) vanilla protein powder (I use Isopure Zero Carb but replace that with soy/rice/hemp powder for a vegan cake)
- ¼ cup (28g) coconut flour
- ¼ cup (28g) almond flour/meal
- 1/3 cup (30g) oat flour (replace with some gluten-free flour if you want some gluten-free cake, I guess)
- 1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
- ½ teaspoon salt
- 5 tablespoons margarine/buttery spread
- 3 tablespoons creamy peanut butter
- 4 packets Truvia
- 2 teaspoons maple syrup
- ½ cup applesauce
- ¾ – 1 teaspoon vanilla
- ½ cup + 2 tablespoons soy or almond milk
- 8 tablespoons margarine/buttery spread (note: buttery spread is a little salty but kind of in an incredibly satisfying way. Use plain unsalted buttery sticks if you can’t really handle it.)
- 2 tablespoons peanut butter
- ¼ cup powdered peanut butter
- ¼ cup + 2 tablespoons powdered sugar
- 1 tablespoon soy/almond milk
There’s a Cake the band and a Cake the dessert joke in here somewhere. I know it…
Preheat your oven to 350. Spray a mini springform pan or a muffin tin or a cake pan or whatever you’re using with some cooking spray. Set aside.
In a medium bowl, combine the protein powder, flours, baking powder, and salt. Since the almond flour and coconut flours can be a little chunky, make sure to either sift the flours or whisk them really well. Set aside.
In a standing mixer or some other electronic thing, cream the margarine and peanut butter with the Truvia. Add the maple syrup and mix thoroughly. Add the applesauce and vanilla. Mix mix mix. Add the soy/almond milk. Mix until smooth.
Slowly add the dry mixture to the wet, making sure not to over mix the two. When they are just smooth and incorporated, transfer the mixture to whatever baking vessel you’re using. If you’re using something like a muffin tin, bake for 20-22 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. If you’re using an actually cake pan, go for 25 minutes before you do the toothpick test. Remove from the oven and cool thoroughly before icing.
I made 2 small cakes that I then cut into two layers each and a few muffins. I think you could very easily get a nice thick big cake or a whoooole bunch of muffins.
To make the icing:
Cream the margarine and peanut butter in a standing mixer outfitted with a whisk attachment. Add the powdered sugar and powdered peanut butter and mix on high. Add the bit of milk and keep beating on high until you’ve got yourself a stiff-ish icing. Ice. Ice just as poorly as I did. Woohoo.