I have this very elite list of items that must always be stocked in my fridge or
pantry open-faced-shelf-that-is-overwhelmingly-messy. I do replenishment no less than once a week, up to three times if I’m having an anxiety attack/making a peanut butter and jam fort (you bring the pillows! I’ll bring the a budding psychosis/bedsheets!).
This list is more exclusive than a Scientologist church, more steadfast than a Scientologist’s belief in absolute bullshit, and pretty much more old hat by now than, well, an old hat. But every once in a never, something special comes along. A glimmer of newness. A new character in my episodes of manic ritual. I’m clearly talking about tabouli.
Tabouli is slowly infiltrating my life/fridge (is there really a difference between the two?), joining the ranks of my current all star line up: crunchy peanut butter, jam, cottage cheese, Icelandic yogurt, dark chocolate, artisanal ice cream (I wish I was being pretentious for affect. I am not.), banana peppers, protein bars, and low carb rice or rye crackers. Basically, I live the pregnant woman’s dream, 24/7/365, without the spawning of any horrible creatures. (You’re welcome, society.)
So, noticing my penchant for tabouli and its eerie ability to be gone in 60 seconds much like that fabulous Nicholas Cage movie that definitely never made anyone want to kill themself because they don’t want to live in a world that allows Nicholas Cage to exist, I decided to make some of my own.
2 pounds of my own.
It lasted a week. Almost.
Tabouli is just very, very tasty stuff. It’s low calorie, filling, refreshing, and light. I added the some chayote after discovering one hiding in my vegetable crisper in lieu of the optional cucumbers you’ll sometimes come across in tabouli. I also made it extra garlicky and oniony enough to ruin a lot of friendships. Both decisions were exceptionally worth it.
I don’t even need friends. I have cottage cheese and peanut butter for that.
And 2 pounds of tabouli.
Feeds 6-7, 1 cup servings
Adapted from WHFoods.com Tabouli Salad recipe
- 1 cup dry bulgar
- 2 cloves garlic
- 80g red onion, diced
- 100g chayote, peeled and diced (or cucumber, if you aren’t feeling adventurous/don’t find a chayote hanging around your vegetable crisper)
- 3 cups parsley, minced
- 1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
- 3 tablespoons lemon juice
- 1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon olive oil
- 200g tomatoes, cored, seeded, and diced
- 1 teaspoon black pepper
- 1 tsp salt
I should’ve made three pounds:
Cook your bulgar according to the instructions on the box. Speaking of which, have you guys noticed that Whole Food’s bulk aisle now prints out instructions on how to cook certain things – like bulgar – on the make-your-own label thinger? Amazing.
While your bulgar is cooking, put your garlic and onion in a food processor and pulse just a few brief times to mince them a little. Transfer to a large mixing bowl. Toss the chayote or cucumber in the food processor and again, pulse just 2 or 3 times to get the pieces a touch smaller. *I am terrible at chopping things so you may be able to skip these steps if you’re less inept than I.* Add the chayote to the large mixing bowl. Get the parsley in the food processor now and mince that sucker. Just don’t do it too much – we don’t want liquid parsley or whatever happens to parsley when you murder it. Add to your mixing bowl.
Once your bulgar has cooled, add it to the large mixing bowl along with the diced tomatoes and toss. Add the vinegar and lemon juice (if you’re not sure how much lemon juice you’re into, start with a tablespoon and keep adding until you’re satisfied) and toss once again. Salt and pepper that sucker. Toss, toss, toss. Drizzle the olive oil in and toss once more. Taste and adjust your lemon juice or vinegar or salt or pepper or love. Refrigerate for a few hours or just eat immediately if you’re like me and can’t just sit around watching tabouli not being eaten.