Pumpkininny Muffins [vegan]


Bonus points if you can tell me what this recipe title references.
Extra bonus points if you think we’re soul mates.

Chocolate optional.

IF YOU’RE A MONSTER.

There was a time when I didn’t eat chocolate every single day without fail.
It was around the same times that I was The Worst.

Every now and then you happen upon a recipe that makes you wish you could Scrooge McDuck swan dive into the mixing bowl. I’m talking about insanely incredible batter, folks. I’m talking about Pumpkininny Muffins. And DuckTales. Woo-oo.

Nothing says “fall” like blurry brown asian pears.
I’m tired of nothing saying weird things like that all the time :-/

If you can keep yourself from going to town on the batter before baking time, you’ll end up with some of the most ridiculously tasty, downright healthy, fall-tastic muffins you’ve ever veganed. I made these muffins on Tuesday night in lieu of watching the presidential debate and I regret nothing. I’m an adult.

That black-top one is due to a chocolate swirl.
It is not burnt.
The only burns I’m familiar with are of the sassy variety thankyouverymuffin.

Pumpkininny Muffins get a boost of both protein and flavor with a scoop of zero-carb vanilla protein powder, some almond flour, and graham flour. (Little known fact: Graham Flour gonna make errything aiiight.) The silken tofu and applesauce work as binders to keep this recipe vegan with the awesome side-effect of a fluffy texture. The tender love and care you add makes them all yours and that’s good because you’re kind of a social pariah and you’re hungry. I still think you’re nice.

(I never thought you were nice.)

So light. So fluffy. So tasty.
SohmygodIwantyou.

PUMPKININNY MUFFINS
makes 12

It’s pumpkininnnny!

  • 1 scoop (32g) vanilla protein powder (I used Zero Carb Isopure Creamy Vanilla Powder but of course use a vegan powder or a flour to keep it vegan)
  • 1/3 cup (40g) graham flour
  • 1/4 cup (28g) almond flour
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
  • 1/4 tsp ground ginger
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2oz vegan buttery sticks, melted
  • 6 packets Truvia
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
  • 91g silken tofu
  • 150g pumpkin puree (Pacific Pumpkin Puree is ever so nice)
  • 60g of some sort of chocolate (I experimented with SweetRiot Dark Chocolate + Flax, Chocolove Coffee Crunch in Dark Chocolate, and mini chocolate chips), optional. I guess.

You’re gonna like the way these taste, I guarantee it:

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Prepare whatever type of muffin tin you’re using. I used individual silicone cups because I went a little too crazy and Crate&Barrel the other day.

Combine the protein powder, flours, spices, and baking powder in a medium bowl. Whisk to mix it about. Set aside.

In a blender or food processor, combine the melted vegan butter, truvia, almond milk, vanilla, applesauce, tofu, and pumpkin. Puree it all together until smooth. Fold your wet ingredients into the dry ingredients.

Fill your muffin tins up 3/4 of the way with batter. If you’re using chocolate, add it in however you like – chunks, melted swirls, sprinkled – using 5g of chocolate per muffin. Bake for 20 minutes. Cool for a bit. Enjoy!!

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5 comments

  1. weird, but I’m going to go a little crazy if you don’t let us off the cliffhanger of what the title references…at least for the next 10 minutes/until I forget that’s how I’ll feel…so tell? And i’m excited to try these once I can hunt down some silken tofu in my current locale of israel :/ !

    1. Ha! It’s from a sketch from a late 90’s sketch comedy show on HBO called “Mr. Show” and it’s wonderful. Forever and always my favorite television show of all time. Youtube that junk. Thank me forever.

      Feel free to replace the tofu with a double dose of applesauce or even just more pumpkin. It’ll still be good!

  2. wee forks · · Reply

    Between your Mr Show reference and something else that had a baking step that just said “Enjoy the fuck out of it,” you are my new best friend.

  3. Funky foodie · · Reply

    I know I don’t know you, but I love you. For 3 reasons :
    1:These muffins are not only vegan but sound fricking good, and I need to makethemNOW
    2: I read a few of your replies to comments by silly readers who were being petty and your bluntness made me actually Lol. We need more not-afraid-to-be-honest people in this world!
    and 3: I am known to go “Woo-oo” after any time that duck-tales, or anything that sounds like duck tales, is mentioned. I love that you did it here.

    1. I know we don’t know each other but I’m pretty sure I love you too. I’m a real feeling feeler when I’m not cursing unnecessarily and/or making miracles in the kitchen.

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